When I learned that I would be a mother, I immediately began to feel things I had never felt. There was this overwhelming joy that was paired with great fear. As the baby I carried grew each day, so did my worries about the world I would welcome her into. How do I teach a human being right from wrong? How can we be ambitious yet compassionate? How do we exercise wisdom while embracing spontaneity? How can I protect her from a dangerous and harsh world while preparing her to navigate and change it? How do we manage stress and heartbreak? I cannot begin to describe what became a new phobia of germs and the obsession to avoid them! Parental anxiety is a form of anxiety that stems from being a parent or caregiver. It is real, it evolves, and if unchecked, it can become the silent hand that determines everything we do, and don’t do with our kids. Parental anxiety is exacerbated by race, gender, zip code, migration status, and socioeconomic factors. However, it does not discriminate.
Parents, caregivers, godparents, mentors, teachers, and all adults that comprise a child’s village should take stock of what we pass down. Spirituality, education, financial literacy, healthy lifestyle choices, political choices, material assets, and genetics often make it into these conversations. What about our self-doubt, intrusive thoughts, and buried trauma? I am not an expert in any of these areas, and most of the questions I have asked myself since pregnancy remain unanswered. However, there is peace and power in intentional nurturing and cultivating community to develop soft landing spaces for our children.
For me, this looks like supporting Saidah in becoming the person she can be proud of. It also looks like having fun, promoting self-care, and embracing challenges- all of which we do in the kitchen.
Cooking with Saidah serves as a reminder that she is her own person, and she is bright and capable of mastering difficult things. When she crafts menus around the ingredients and appliances we have on hand, I realize she can use the resources and her environment to thrive and contribute great things to the world. When she eagerly strolls into the kitchen to test a recipe after burning or dropping multiple dishes the day before, I realize she is developing a tenacious spirit and a “can do '' attitude that will help her achieve her dreams later on. When her face lights up after learning a cooking technique or suggesting ingredients that I wouldn’t have considered, I realize she is learning to value herself and her brilliance. Overall, this time has granted me peace in knowing that she will be just fine.
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